I have long struggled with traumatic flashback memories—those sudden, uncontrollable returns to the past that strike just when life seems to be moving forward. In this piece, I aim to capture that moment of collapse, the overwhelming desperation of being pulled back. However, I am still holding onto a fragile hope for recovery. Written in 3/4 for full orchestra, the music evokes a floating, dreamlike atmosphere filled with emotional intensity.

It begins with a nine-note Locrian motif on the crotales, symbolizing the intrusive and dissonant nature of flashbacks. As the motif expands, the entire orchestra enters, playing it homophonically to convey a surge of desperate emotion that feels inescapable. Then, in contrast, the music shifts: pizzicato strings and light woodwinds introduce playful, airy lines, reflecting moments of calm and joy when the memories fade away. Yet this peace is fragile. The sudden entrance of the dark horn section shatters it, representing how powerful and consuming these flashbacks can be, and how powerless I feel when facing them.

After a downward harp glissando, the pizzicato section returns, now with shorter rhythmic values that bring a sense of motion and lightness. Beneath this, the French horn quietly echoes a subtle imitation of the original motif, suggesting that the memories have not vanished. They linger beneath the surface, hidden but still present. The rhythm then shifts into lively staccato figures, heightening the mischievous, playful atmosphere.The music bursts into a grand and joyful melody, as if stepping into a new world full of wonder and discovery. The imitation trading back and forth between the instruments also brings a wider view into this world. Then the pizzicato part comes back again, played by woodwind section. The same melody is playing by the xylophone and crotales.

The melody goes out, the oboe and clarinet section remain staccato in a fifth interval. At this time, the percussion brings an adventurous atmosphere, showing my flying imagination, and my vision for my better future. Suddenly, timpani and tuba kick in, bringing intensity. The woodwind starts to play fragments of notes, changing to Eb major chord, then back to Eb minor, showing how unstable my memories and emotions are.

All the instruments went silence except the flute and piccolo. Suddenly, all the instruments burst into the scene. The motif comes back played by violin, harmonized by all the other instruments. The whole thing changes to major with a flute transition, showing my expectation for a better future, and everything is going to a good direction, but when it should be ending on a stable chord, it ends on a D minor, and the crotales plays the open motif again, closing all with the traumatic memory.